What makes me ‘kin
For the ones who wonder what makes me ‘kin, here is a short chronology.
When I was in kindergarten, I kept looking for my “real family” of unicorns. I did not understand why I was human, and did not identify as such.
I was abused for years in all possible ways, and tried to commit suicide as early as 8. During such an attempt, I had a sudden realization that the reason why I was suffering so much was because I was a unicorn. I clung to that idea strongly. It helped me carry myself through more abuse, staying alive and more or less mentally healthy. The sole idea of being a unicorn helped me cope with my trauma. Shock after shock I gathered a few complementary informations about how I ended up being human and why I was here.
During teenage years I kept acting weird, eating all the time, even tried to eat plants. I felt phantom musk deer canines and fin-like wings (which made me think that I was maybe a vampire). I also felt a phantom unicorn horn but I used to think it was my 3rd eye opening or something.
During early adulthood I felt more and more my phantom wings and a phantom tail, sometimes ears too. I started getting interested into the furry fandom, believing myself to be a unicorn furry. Back then I believed that furry people fully identified as their fursonna.
It took me years of thinking myself crazy, crying after places I could not go to and unicorn people, before somebody told me that what I was, was not “furry” but “otherkin”.
I explored the otherkin world, and I explored myself too. With meditation, I realized that I was not a European unicorn but rather a scaly, winged, multi-horned, dragon-tailed qilin – hence the phantom fangs. Meditation also gave me complementary information about my background as a qilin.
Reading the books by Walter Moers, I had another sudden realization: I came from the world of Zamonia. All my memories of the geography of my Home match the geography of Zamonia’s Great Forest. Some information regarding the overall world of Zamonia give me feelings of déjà-vu. I come from Zamonia.
