thunderpunching replied to your post:Ok, you know what I don’t understand? I have seen…
yeah this is a tumblr-specific trend that needs to stop, and it’s fueled by new otherkin being cut off from understanding how the communities started. They…
Thank you for tagging me on this, it’s all really quite interesting. (I definitely have no idea that anti-sj blogs helped spreading misinformation about Otherkin, or that some older Otherkin are not doing anything to help.)
I suppose when it comes down to it, the fault really lies with both sides
and not in our stars. There’s a vicious cycle here. Some of the older ‘kin tried to help, but the new ‘kin won’t listen, and as a result the older ‘kin gets hostile / stops trying to help…and so the newer batch of ‘kin stays ignorant or was alienated by the elder ‘kin, and they in turn alienate the elder ‘kin and won’t listen to them. This goes on and on and on. You get the idea.Personally, I haven’t seen any of the “elder ‘kin” doing what you accused them of that is, belittling and alienating new ‘kin on Tumblr – so I’m probably biased, but I wouldn’t be so quick to generalise them. As with all people, some of them are nice and really helpful (and genuinely tried to help), but I’m certain that, well, some do make fun of the new ‘kin.
On the other hand, geostigmata is also correct. It’s not that easy to educate people. In theory, we all want to dispel ignorance and correct the myths about Otherkin, not just to new ‘kin who only knew the Otherkin community on Tumblr, but also to non-kin who knows nothing about Otherkin but its myths and misinformation, but in practice, it’s not that easy. People are people, ‘kin or non-kin. Yes, they won’t listen sometimes. Yes, they will refuse to learn. Yes, they are most definitely do not want to hear that they are wrong. The last point is probably the main problem.
It’s not just the Otherkin community on Tumblr that has become “a toxic cesspool of trolls, misinformation, hate, and just all around nastiness” – it’s probably the entirety of Tumblr. Oh, where do I even begin? First thing first, Tumblr “culture” (if it can be called that) encourages the “you’re perfect, you can do nothing sort of thing” way of thinking. There’s nothing wrong with a little boost on self-esteem, of course (the gods know I needed it myself), but when you are constantly being told that you are a perfect little flower, that sort of thing grows on you, especially if you’re still in an impressionable age (and let’s be honest here, most new ‘kin on Tumblr are still at that tender age). Secondly, Tumblr culture encourages hivemind. You have to believe what everyone else believes (so you, too, can be ~cool and edgy and subversive~) and absolutely no critical thinking are allowed. If you ask questions, or disagree with us (us being popular belief and those who believed in those beliefs), then you’re not one of us.
There’s still a LOT to write about if you want to talk about The Fault In Our Tumblr Culture, seriously, and I can go on and on for days, but those two things, I think, are the root of the problems Luci / geostigmata mentioned.
If you think that you are perfect, then why listen to other people? You don’t care if they give you the facts, what you believe is true so it must be true, and these people are telling you that you are wrong, of course you can’t accept that. Rather paradoxically, at the same time, you need approval, so you believe, blindly, what everyone else believes, so when someone comes along and offered you a different perspective? No way, I’m not going to get hate and cyberbullied for even considering an unpopular opinion, nevermind that it is the fact.
This sort of mentality is harmful, obviously, and I do believe that this is the metaphorical brick wall that stands between the newer ‘kin here on Tumblr and what you referred to as elder ‘kin. At the same time, elder ‘kin saw all these myths and hate and misinformation, and they grew jaded and cynical. Some maybe tried to help, as Luci says, but got disrespectful, dismissive, or downright childish responses. (And I do agree, also, that once bitten, twice shy, sometimes apply, especially when it comes to ‘kin stuff.)
So, well, to be fair, it’s not only the elder ‘kin’s fault or even the younger ones – it’s probably everyone’s fault. But educating people, yeah, that’s absolutely our best shot, and what we have to do.
As for the spiritual vs Otherkin as coping mechanism thing (psychological Otherkin are not ‘kin who use Otherkinism as a coping mechanism, as far as my knowledge goes, it’s a different thing, referring to those who believe that they are ‘kin because of psychological and not spiritual reasons, such as that their brains were wired differently), why am I not surprised that this happened on Tumblr? That out of my system, I can vouch safely that you can be ‘kin without mental illness. I’m a spiritual ‘kin, and I don’t have any history of mental illness, nor diagnosed with anything. Yet I’m still ‘kin. And personally I’m a bit miffed at the statement that only mentally ill people can be Otherkin. It’s erasing and dismissing my experiences. Not to mention that Otherkin is a belief, so it has nothing to do with mental illness whatsoever, in essence.
(Tagging remielangel, if you haven’t, b/c you’re one of these elder ‘kins and you probably can shed more light on the situation.)
I probably do fall into the “elder” category of the community. There are definitely others and friends of mine who have been in it, and more involved, than I have. But I’ve been identifying as an incarnate angel for 15 years this year, and I used to be involved on OKA (Otherkin Alliance) enough I got offered moderator status, before it became defunct.
So I got my start in the community via static forums, and OKA was my main one. I branched out to a live chatroom that I still help moderate.
The difference with that, is there is a kind of structure. The forums and the chat are often very Otherkin 101. New people come. Other people that have been around the block before try to help and guide them. There are some people that are open to learning, and with guidance from other members, start to question and challenge their beliefs and assumptions, and growth occurs. Then there are people who are already so convinced in their ways, that they either get banned for their attitude, or they leave in a huff because nobody on the forums or in the chatroom would blindly accept all their beliefs.
Tumblr? Tumblr doesn’t have that system. Tumblr is a gathering place for all the types of people who would immediately get themselves banned from the forums for behaving like an immature jerk. Not EVERY kin on Tumblr is like that, of course. But this whole “tumblrkin” idea pretty much sums it up. Tumblr is a platform with no guidance, no rules, where everyone can say whatever they want with little repercussion, and the people that would have been banned have now instead banded together in a force of unified misinformation that gets spread.
Honestly, it’s a miracle to me any of the “elders” are still around on Tumblr. I have a love-hate relationship with it. I joined solely because I wanted to help my friends from OKA fight the good fight and provide newer otherkin with information.
But it’s a losing battle. I don’t blame any of my friends for not being around on here. There’s only so many times you can say the same things to the same kind of people, with them exploding on you in a barrage of insults, before you start getting jaded and getting an attitude, too. And, unfortunately, usually the loudest, most obnoxious posts are the ones that actually get read.
I try to be civil and kind, because I feel that’s the only way someone might actually listen. And sometimes, people do listen. But it’s rare. What’s more common, is people lashing out and refusing to do any ounce of self-analysis, develop any sense of self-awarenss. Instead they just get defensive. Instead they lash out, even if the original post was entirely reasonable.
It hurts, too. On multiple levels. It hurts to see the community and people like myself so grossly misrepresented. It hurts not having people listen to you in the slightest. But the thing that hurts me most, is the attitude of a lot of newer otherkin is self-destructive.
When I joined the community, there was this emphasis on self-discovery. You didn’t accept things blindly. People wouldn’t tell you that you are or are not otherkin – they would tell you that you had to find that out for yourself. You got your beliefs questioned – not in a harsh way, but not complete coddling that happens on Tumblr, either.
You could stop and leave any time you wanted. But if you stayed, true friendships were forged. And if you were open to questioning yourself, it becomes like a crucible. There’s a painful period of questioning, but once you make it through the fire, things solidify.
So much of the pain I see newer otherkin going through, is the kind of pain that starts at the beginning of self-discovery. The kind of pain that won’t go away until they make it through and figure out who they are.
But that doesn’t happen. Instead they’re clinging to a house they’ve built out of straw that the world is pretty much guaranteed to knock down. And when you’re clinging to that straw, anything that challenges it is seen as a huge threat, and you get the lashing out, and you get the defensive. They’re trying to force their world to stay together.
If they would only let go, and let the straw be moved and blown away…they could see there is a foundation, there, underneath. A foundation that is much more resilient. Something beautiful, and solid, to build themselves upon. Something that, when they accept that it’s going to be uncomfortable, can make them be less defensive, and not feel threatened any time anyone expresses an ounce of disbelief or skepticism at them.
Sometimes, being banned from the forums for their attitudes used to be enough to get people to do that. Sometimes, they even came back, and became an integral part of that community.
But Tumblr is all about coddling, and huddling together even when it’s terribly unhealthy. And the “elder” kin are having to witness this happening in their own home, as something they love is being twisted and misrepresented.
And it all could be preventable, and new people could be welcomed into the house, but it would require loosening one’s grip on their ego a little. And that’s not easy, and often doesn’t happen, and it’s sad.
