zaphaera:

kofukugod:

zaphaera:

Not to be a gatekeeper but, there are things in the otherkin community that need to be addressed if any of you ever want to be taken seriously..
I’m not doing this to invalidate anyone or be offensive, but there’s some things that need to be said.

I’m bringing this up because it gets my attention when I see quite often the “accept anything and everything” tone of a lot of the tumblr-kin community specifically. Mainly the over-accepting attitude of when I hear things like “wow you’re this, that’s so cool, you are amazing!” and sigh, because it is truthfully not helping any of you.. And most of the time isn’t even following what being otherkin is.

Quite honestly I find it to be destructive to the community as a whole and to many newer kin who are being over-encouraged in the wrong way. Yes, I know you all mean well, but keep in mind that you should be directing people to question themselves more and question what it is to be ‘otherkin’. By over-encouraging them like I see much too often, you are really hurting that individuals need to introspect and find who they truly are. Introspection and finding ones self is the most important thing! Validation is great to a point is what I’m saying, and I’m not saying to invalidate anyone, but to gently encourage them in the right direction rather than telling them spot on that what they think they are must be it..  Instead encourage them to question themselves more! Younger individuals taking their first steps into the community especially need guidance on what they are getting into. This is not something to be taken lightly, just like if you were to join any spiritual or religious community. 

If we want to continue having a nice community and be taken seriously, then as a community we all need to educate more properly! I haven’t been in it very long, but it really is starting to bother me the more I see people within the community treat being otherkin as nothing more than a trend or a pretty label to slap on whatever they want to. By what I have come to know.. otherkin is a strongly spiritual belief, but yet there are many people on tumblr I see that are distorting it into something it is not.. and what they are not. 

My main point here is to stay truthful to what otherkin is. So that when newcomers ask questions they can be put on the right path.. not be told that “otherkin is anything you want it to be, because we except everything! uwu” Because I’m sorry, I don’t want to be harsh but, there are things that are considered otherkin and things that simply are not.

Let me start with: Otherkin are humans who identify as things that are non-human.
This can be spiritually or by reincarnation. There is no possible way to be physically otherkin, period. No one can physically shift into anything. And I highly doubt anyone is, genetically speaking, anything but human.

Let me further explain by simplifying it into two categories,

Things that are otherkin:
– Identifying as something non-human (not by choice, but by feeling)
– Believing you were something non-human in another life (reincarnation)
– Believe that your soul is non-human (I believe every soul is a certain species)

Things that are not otherkin:
– Coping mechanisms
 (A coping mechanism is an identity created by the individual to overcome illness or otherwise. It is a choice and can go away at any time or be changed to fit their needs.)
– Identifying ‘with’ non-human things
 (Identifying with non-human things would rather be called ‘other-hearted’. The person feels a strong connection with something non-human, but not so much that they are that thing.)
– Furries 
(furries are people who choose an identity by making a ‘fursona’ of an animal of their choice that represents them)

Correct me if I’m wrong, but those two categories above should rightfully explain what makes someone kin or not. I’ll follow those up with another two categories to further explain what otherkin is..

Common things many otherkin do:
– Feel astral limbs, the sensation of limbs that aren’t there
– Have mental shifts, feeling of mentally becoming their kinself
– Have memories of their other lives
– Dream of their past lives
– Astrally project as their kinself
– live regular human lives

Otherkin do not:
– feel oppressed
– feel offended when you walk on grass 
– think we are physically non-human
– choose what we are
– act inappropriately like our kinselves in public 
– need to be treated like what our kinselves are
– feel they are better than anyone (if anyone does, then they are just an asshole honestly)

Those four lists up there should draw you a fine line between what otherkin is and is not. Just like any other spirituality, not everything is accepted unless it follows a specific guideline. And I’m not trying to be mean or invalidate anyone, but just feel that what being otherkin actually is about needs to be brought forward and taken more seriously by our own community. Because its not about labels, its not about being special, its not about identifying with any little thing that attracts you, and its not about having fun. If you want to have fun, go make yourself a fursona, being otherkin is more serious than that. If you think you are otherkin, take it seriously. Meditate, introspect, research.. take your time and figure things out before rushing into it. I see it a lot where most of you all just want to decide what you are right away and show it off. Relax. Take a breath and learn something before jumping headfirst into it all. 

One thing that I see a lot that I’m going to bring up is everyone jumping at identifying as every new pop culture cartoon character that comes out within weeks.. Finding out if you were those characters takes a lot longer than that. There is no being “kin at first sight”. I’ve felt a connection with my kinself since I was young, but only came to terms with being dragonkin for only 3 years now and I still question it. 

I just want to see the whole community learn and educate everyone a little more. Be supportive by helping newer kin find themselves. Point them in the right direction to what being otherkin is about, and tell them their feelings are valid, but do so in a way that doesn’t twist what being otherkin is. 🙂

I see your point, and I’m going to politely disagree.

First of all, beginning a post with “not to be a gatekeeper” is a bad signal from the start. Don’t start anything like that if you want people to take you seriously. But, that’s aside from the point here.

While yes, many people do get the concept of what being kin is confused, I have a few points of disagreement to touch on. First of all, the “accept anything” thing and the concept of saying “you’re x? cool!” are very different. The first one can, yes, be harmful when interpreted incorrectly. The second is just some nice reassurance to people who may be insecure about their identity. “Accept everything” is a clause that, first of all, we as the kin community should be one of the first to nod a head to considering the fact that many people do not accept us, so who are we to turn on our own when we have outside hatred to deal with as well? Secondly, “accept everything” and “if you think you are then you are” are also very different. I actually tell people the latter phrase a lot, but in context it’s more along the lines of the fact that most people do not consider something like that unless they have good reason to. If someone is wrong about it, then they’re wrong. It’s not a big deal. We can all move on and it’s that person’s personal problem to deal with on their own, not mine or yours or anyone’s. Yes, kin and hearted do get mixed up a lot. It’s not easy to tell the difference for some, which is, again, their own problem, not mine or yours etc. It should be common knowledge by now that kin is identifying as, not with. We all know. Trust me. Introspection and questioning is great, I’m all for it. Some people take less time to question than others, and some people have varying methods. Neither of these things are basis to judge one’s validity on.

Now, I’m going to open this paragraph by saying my identity is 100% spiritual. I know that I have lived one or more past lives as each of my kintypes, and this is my spiritual take on my identity. It is very much tied into my practice of religion and belief in reincarnation. I’m not sure why you separated spirituality and reincarnation here, as they are essentially the same concept. I’m a little miffed about two things here: a) discrediting those who are kin as a coping mechanism, and b) your post ignoring the fictionkin community entirely. Again, my identity is 100% spiritual. But, I’m sorry, who are you to say that kin cannot be a coping mechanism? Coping kin are just as valid as spiritual kin, and while I’m not coping kin myself, I have friends who are and for their sakes I’m pretty damn tired of seeing a fuckton of spiritual kin elitism everywhere I go. Not everyone has the same experiences. For me personally, I believe that souls are energy that transcends the barriers of the universe and can travel between them to grant beings life, then move on to another universe once its vessel dies in that one, and so on. Thus why I have a lot of kintypes, because I have gone through a lot of reincarnations. Everyone to their own beliefs. Coping kin are kin in order to deal with trauma that they have experienced, and it’s very insensitive to invalidate them like that. I do not know you personally so I cannot judge whether or not you have the knowledge to make such a judgement yourself, but as someone struggling with mental illness and being from an abusive home I can sympathize with where coping kin are coming from. I’m not happy that you’ve written them off like that. Second, yes otherkin is the experience of being non-human in some way, but you’ve completely disregarded the fictionkin community here. If you personally don’t regard the fictionkin community as being a part of the otherkin community that is understood, however it’s important to acknowledge that we exist and that it’s also possible to identify as someone who was human, so long as they are from a universe not similar to ours. For example, if I were to say I was reincarnated from a character who was featured in a book not based on real life, that is perfectly valid as kin. But claiming to be reincarnated of a historical figure does not count as kin; while it is something that can occur, it would not fall under the kin category. 

Lastly, I would like to argue your statement that there is no “kin at first sight.” I have been otherkin for a long time but only began using the word a little over a year ago, because that was when I learned what it was in the first place. I’m sure I’d have used it for years by now if I knew the term earlier. I can often “sense” what my kintypes are when I see them, because come on, would you suddenly fail to even have a vague recollection of a version of yourself that you spent an entire lifetime as? It’s a feeling that’s hard to recognize, sure, but once you learn it it works as a fairly accurate sense. For me this feeling has actually become extremely physical, and often sends some sort of response along my spine. It has yet to steer me wrong. I’m aware that that’s difficult to prove, nor do I expect you to believe me, but for me it is true. I do still take at least some time to question things before I jump to any sort of conclusion (honestly most of the “short” amounts of time i spend questioning are because i’d spent a lot of time before even getting into the series looking at the characters from it, sometimes even months or years beforehand; the most prominent examples i can think of at the moment were with kido and touka, both of whom i had been inexplicably drawn to thinking about for anywhere from 6 months to a year before confirming them), and I’m not a “collector” like I’ve heard some people call it before. I’m very insecure about the amount of kintypes I have, but I know they are all my past lives. I am not “collecting” them as a “label” or to be “special”. I have a lot of lives that I regret and if I could get rid of them I would. A lot of kin turn up when something is popular, yes. That’s because it is popular. The more people see something, the more likely they are to recognize what they are. I have a feeling that your comment is majorly directed toward Steven Universe and Undertale; while the kin communities for both are quite large, they’re all valid as long as they identify as. Popularity causing a large influx of kin does not automatically mean people are jumping to conclusions. And all things considered, Steven Universe was around for a year or two already when the large influx of fictionkin from it started to surface.

Please take the time to read through all of this, and I would love to hear a reply if you have one. I understand the point you’re trying to make; I’ve also noticed a lot of people who are more likely hearted than kin and are misinterpreting the meaning, but you’re simply making things very complex and invalidating a good chunk of people with your post here. I hope you understand where my concerns are coming from. Thank you.

Okay, I hear everything you’re saying and I see your point, but before I dive into this I want to add that I did make edits to that post here: http://zaphaera.tumblr.com/post/135140005341/zaphaera-not-to-sound-like-a-gatekeeper-but Where I added psychological kin (i put reincarnation + spiritual as a minor typo, as I do a lot when talking and writing) I am not a “spiritualkin elitist” in any way. 

Regarding copingkin, I’ve gone into further depth of why coping mechanims are not otherkin and are their own separate thing if it is a purely fabricated identity like most coping mechanisms are. http://zaphaera.tumblr.com/tagged/coping+mechanism
I don’t have a full understanding of it perhaps, but many kin like myself can see a clear difference between creating an identity and being that identity. And as some food for thought: why do they want the otherkin label? As someone who is stuck with an identity I can not get rid of or change, what purpose does anyone have that isn’t otherkin wanting to adopt the label? 

Otherkin = mentally/spiritually identifying as something non-human
          We don’t have a choice, and we can’t change who we are.

It doesn’t include identifying with something non-human, creating a non-human identity, role play, feeling like you are non-human only sometimes, wanting to be something cool,  to follow a trend, or feeling like you are simply more feral. 

Now, going back to the “accept anything and everything” fluff that has over collected on tumblr.  I did clearly write that it wasn’t all bad, and that you shouldn’t invalidate anyone, but encourage them in the right direction. Everyone’s feelings are valid, and yes sometimes many individuals need a boost of confidence in themselves, but I wasn’t aiming at that. I was more specifically directing it at newcomers and youngsters coming into the community being given incorrect information, and how harmful that is to their psychological/spiritual development. Everyone seems to ignore the most important questions that are: What is otherkin and what motive do I have for being otherkin?

There is more misinformation on tumblr than correct info as far as I can tell. And a lot of this misinformation comes from trolls, misinformed otherkin, and the worst case: poorly run otherkin help blogs. And I don’t mean every otherkin help blog, but there are a plethora that I’ve seen run by people who don’t know the first idea of what otherkin is..  Misinformation is the most dangerous thing in the otherkin community. The discrepancies between what make an individual otherkin or not has been so blurred that no one even seems to bother actually researching for themselves. Many newer kin, instead of doing that, go ask around tumblr, which is the worst possible place to seek information on anything. 

So.. what I see often is these newcomers taking their first steps come along with questions, hopefully many questions. But alas, their journey is pretty much blocked when they go asking “hey, I feel like a wolf, does that make me otherkin?” and is responded with something like: “Yes of course you are!! And wow, you’re a wolf, so amazing and majestic!!1!”  Instead of being given a run down on what otherkin exactly is and how much more serious it is than feeling like an animal you like. Which maybe they really are a wolf, or maybe if they questioned themselves more they’d find that they just really liked or wished they were one. Can you see how bad that is for everyone? Questioning yourself should never stop, we should encourage everyone to question their feelings or motives for wanting to call themselves otherkin. I’ve come to terms with my identity, but I never stop questioning it. For myself it is a long spiritual journey that does not end. 

Now, besides the harm to the individual, lets look at how that can affect the entire community. Otherkin, especially on tumblr, is not perceived in a good light, not at all. Why would anyone even want to be otherkin? A lot of people can’t even tell their close friends what they are because they are afraid they will think less of them. I myself keep my spirituality more to myself, but it was difficult when I wanted to tell my girlfriend about it. Luckily she hadn’t heard of it beforehand and took it very well, has even been questioning being a hellhound of sorts.  But for others it doesn’t always go over as easy as that. The tumblrkin community has made us look like a joke, something to be poked at and made fun of. And its going to stay that way for a long time, but if we keep spreading correct information around, we can really help it along. It will help questioning kin and nonkin, or previously misinformed kin see what otherkin actually is. 

To sum that part of my opinion up: we need to stop making it seem like any little non-human inkling makes someone otherkin. Spread the right information and see that newer kin introspect and research deeper into their feelings. 

Moving on to “kin at first sight.” Yes someone can see something and get immediate feelings, of course that happens. What I meant by that is don’t immediately jump to the conclusion you are/were that thing, you introspect and question it more.. You certainly don’t just go flaunting it around the moment you get feelings for it. What I said about cartoon characters was that too many kids these days seem to do just that, identify as characters merely weeks after the show comes out. Which yes they do get feelings from these characters especially when they are popular and everywhere, but that was besides my point, that point being: the need to introspect more and not jump to conclusions so quickly. (yes even conclusions made after a year, which is not a long time at all tbh) I do not hold any ill feelings towards fictionkin and fully accept them, as I myself do have a fictional past life that I don’t speak of with others. (for myself I don’t display my past lives as kintypes, a personal choice) But back to the subject, it just really irks me that many people do not take being otherkin seriously, and that doesn’t just hurt me or any other individual, but makes the whole community look bad. In a way it invalidates our own feelings. As I said before, it makes us look like a joke. Which a lot of them look like exactly that, a joke. A lot of fictionkin make themselves seem like nothing more than 24/7 roleplayers adopting the role of a character they relate to. Now, I won’t be the judge of anyone, but I will state my opinion. 

Let me dive into age regarding otherkin along with the time needed to think over an identity.  Of course we all know many younger kin, especially in the 13-16 range are taken less seriously or not seriously at all, which is not unreasonable, however we all mature at different rates. But lets keep that in mind as I state the question: How long does it take to conclude you are otherkin? And the answer is honestly: there isn’t one. No otherkin are valid and that’s fine, it is not about being valid, it is a belief. None of us can ever prove what we are and that is something that needs to be made understood. Taking that to consideration, introspection never ends, we never stop questioning ourselves as I stated before. I can feel like my soul is a dragon my entire life, but there is no proof of that other than my feelings, there ins’t even proof that the soul actually exists. I think people need to think about that more when figuring themselves out. As for psychologicalkin, that doesn’t apply, but in turn there is no proof for that either. Maybe a future neurological study will turn something up, but as of now there isn’t one. 

Taking that to consideration, what does it even mean to be otherkin than, wouldn’t that statement make none of us otherkin? In the end, sure that could be the case, but as for now it is a belief. And figuring out if you fit that belief takes time. If it turns out you don’t fit it, you should be able to fully understand that and move on, not deny it and try to twist it to fit your own belief. 

People who take otherkin and make it what they want it to be are taking our belief and tarnishing it. That is appropriation. This is what upsets myself and many others about all this “accept everything” crap. I simply wanted to clarify that otherkin has some criteria to it, and that’s what my post was about. 

Thank you,
Zaphaera