Email exchange

I recieved an email earlier today, and the sender said that they were alright with me sharing it, and my response, on my blog

i saw your tumblr, and was gonna send an ask, but i felt like my explanation would be too long and that an email would be easier to digest. i understand, from what i’ve read on your blog, that it’s hard to come to terms with being fictionkin and to really say “yeah, you’re fictionkin” because it’s really up to the person themself, but i was hoping that with your experiences you could maybe provide me with some insight.

so ever since i watched neon genesis evangelion, i’ve always had a strong attachment to Shinji Ikari. i always like to point at him and say “that’s me!” and i think it’s especially since it’s heavily implied that he has Avoidant Personality Disorder, which is a disorder i suffer from, as well. i don’t have any friends who have this disorder either, and i often find there’s a barrier between us because of this, even though some are neurodivergent as well. i’ve seen people identify with kins as coping mechanisms, and i feel like this would probably be my case with this character as well. i do believe in reincarnation, however. i don’t think i’ve ever been him exactly in a past life, but that maybe i met him, or someone with his aura, and it affected me, and still is in this life, but more vaguely. i don’t really think i have any memories of him in a past life, but i do feel like there’s something familiar about certain events that take place in my life– for example, when shinji runs away from home and listens to music non-stop on the subway, every time i get on a subway (especially if it’s dark) i can’t help but feel like there’s a connection between him and i. even more so when i’m listening to music. i think, perhaps, i don’t see him as completely me, but at least a part of me, maybe in some long lost memory of him from my past life. maybe i was him. maybe i was his lover. maybe i was his close friend. and so on.

now, i feel similarly to the character makoto naegi from dangan ronpa. i don’t feel as strongly about him, but i definitely feel like he was a friend of mine at the very least. i feel like he’s probably more related to my being able to cope with my mental illnesses more than anything, as he is a very optimistic person who values his friends, and is very resilient. i don’t have any memories of him that i know of, but identifying with him certainly makes me feel like i can pull through my illnesses and such.

thank you for taking the time to read this! take your time with replying, as i know you must get so many of these.

thanks for taking the time to write to me. I find that sometimes, just taking the time to put our feelings down on paper, or on a screen, can help us sort through a lot. We have more insight into ourselves than we give ourselves credit for.
It sounds like whatever kind of label you want, or other people want, to put on your experiences, they are deep and meaningful ones. Whether you are ‘fictionkin’ or not, you could say what you feel with Shinji, and with Naegi is a kind of kinship or bond. No matter what you call it, these characters, these people, are important to you, and that is not a bad thing. As for what to call this relationship…

Let me present some possibilities to you:

Possibility 1: Fictionkin: It is possible that you are fictionkin after all. You may have been Shinji, and Naegi in the distant  past of your existence. Lifetimes of reincarnation may have put so much so much distance between those experiecnes and your current ones that what is left of your memory feels more like the memory of a friend.

Possibility 2: Fictionkin (again): You may be fictionkin, but not directly with Shinji and Naegi. You may be kin with someone who knew them instead. It doesn’t even have to be a ‘character’ who appeared in their anime/games. You could have known them later in life. or been from a variant/AU world where you existed.

Possibility 3: Just really attached to the characters: People get attached to characters who are like them. Its a part of good storytelling that we all have characters in things who effect us emotionally. We admire them, hate them, want to help them. Our minds reach out to them and take something valuable back. It may be completely mundane, but it doesn’t make it less special or real.

Possibility 4: fiction-hearted: Fiction-hearted is like just being really attached to the character, except you attach more significance to it. It involves an element of roleplaying taken to a degree of personal development. Basically, one is fiction-hearted with a character whom they feel a deep bond, but don’t believe that they are fictionkin. The fiction-hearted person strives to live as this character, and explores their life through the lens of being this other person.

Possibility 5: you are soulbonded to Shinji and Naegi and not good at ‘hearing’ them yet. Soulbonding is a phenomenon where for wahtever reason a character sort of exists with you in your mind/body and acts as a sort of patron/guide or other, generally comforting figure. Often when someone first gets a soulbond, they merely feel a link with them, or their presence in their mind, and it takes a while to be able to communicate with them clearly. Here is some more soulbonding info: http://fromfiction.tumblr.com/post/103126878222/do-you-think-its-possible-to-become-a-soulbonder

I hope at least some of that helped, and please feel free to write me back with any more of your thoughts and feelings.