hey I have a question I’m kinda scared to ask… I’m fickin and I have two kintypes and my s/o is fickin and he has 20+ … When I first met him he had 10+ and that was chill, I’m understand ppl w/ multiple kintypes! But now every time he watches a new anime/ tv show/etc… He finds a new kintype which he identifies right away. How do I tell him nicely maybe he needs to think about some of his kintypes more and what having them means?? Most of all from animes he just started (part 1)
(Part 2) idk how to say this nicely.. I understand having multiple kintypes but he has 20+ and I feel like they kind of… Lose their meaning. But my s/o is very sensitive and gets angry/sad easily so idk how to bring this up in a nice, constructive way … Am I being rude? I just think finding a kintype takes lot of introspection and thought and it’s very meaningful. When you pick a new kintype from every media you watch being fictionkin becomes less meaningful and more like “I relate”
(Part 4) lastly… Or am I just being insensitive? I only have two kintypes, one that took me 4 years to accept and another that I have HEAVY memories from, i.e predicted death before I saw it in canon…. Am I being insensitive to my s/o’s experience of being fickin because it is different from mine?? How do I bring it up to him without him getting a bad mood?? Thanks!
Oh boy. Anon, I hear you loud and clear. I too have a significant other (my fiancee) who has more confirmed kintypes than I do, and I’m sure my answering this question is going to make her anxious and worried about how I think of her no matter what I say.
What I’m hearing from you (and I agree with) is that its not the number of kintypes that is frustrating, its the lack of introspection. Some people have a tendency to treat kintypes like collectible cards rather than serious spiritual or mental connections, and that can make someone who takes their kintypes seriously feel frustrated, or even devalued.
Because if someone doesn’t take their own kintypes seriously, how do you know they are taking YOUR kintypes seriously?
I want to go ahead and say that it CAN be perfectly legitimate for someone to have a large amount of kintypes (sometimes jokingly referred to as polykin hell). Having a large amount of kintypes, even 20+ is not ALWAYS an indication that someone is faking, or incorrect about their identities. However, it IS a cause for deeper introspection, both on their part, and on your part if you’re close to them.
I don’t think its rude of you at all to want to ask your partner to slow down and take a deeper look at all these kintypes he’s hoarding (and yes it does sound to me like he’s actively ‘hoarding’ kintypes.) I think maybe your S/O needs a reminder of how serious being kin is for you, and that you feel he’s taking your shared identity as kin overly lightly.
No matter what you say to him, its probably not going to be an easy conversation. I don’t know your S/O but you say he’s overly sensitive and easily gets angry or sad. I am not in your relationship, and I can’t see the way the two of you interact, but this may be a sign of emotional immaturity and that the two of you may ultimately (unfortunately) be incompatible, if he won’t communicate with you, or if he uses his emotions to shut down necessary conversations. But you didn’t ask me for relationship advice exactly, so I’ll move on.
People who are mistaken about having lots and lots of kintypes (as opposed to people who fake lots and lots of kintypes) are mistaken for one of two reasons.
The first reason is that they are mistaking any deep emotional feelings, or feelings of identifying with a character, for that character being a kintype. Not every character you share features or life experience, or feels with is a kintype. Some of his supposed kintypes might be synpaths, hearttypes (as in fictionhearted), or soulbonds. They might even just be characters he likes a lot.
The other reason that people gather a lot of kintypes is because none of them EXACTLY fit their real kintype/kinself and they are sort of building a mental chimera of their true self out of the ‘parts’ of other characters that they feel have familiar traits or experiences. Take a look at his kintypes, are there a lot of things they have in common? Do they seem to form a spectrum, or a couple spectrum of similar characters? Does your S/O identify with one element of a particular character but not the rest of that character? If so,he may be taking the ‘Goldilocks’ approach to being kin, trying each bowl to find one that fits just right, without yet finding one that does.
My advice is that if you want to tread on his feelings the least, when you bring this up, don’t make it all about him. Make it a couples activity of talking about, and sharing your kinfeels. Ask him about experiences he has with each kintype. Ask him about memories, supernumerary limbs, what he misses from each life, things he felt about it before he discovered that kintype- and let him ask those same questions to you.
Basically, the both of your should scrutinize your kintypes together. That way, if your s/o sees that his kin experiences are very shallow in comparison to yours, he may drop them voluntarily. And if the opposite happens, and you see that he actually has a lot to say about each kintype, then you’ll know that the connections he’s been making aren’t as shallow as you thought.
