1/2 I very conflicted. I’ve been doubting this entire identity lately. When I battle my doubts, am I just denying the truth? Do I fabricate my kinfeels and memories to fit into this identity? Am I just using to cope, to fill the empty void in my identity depression left there? Am I just doing this to belong, because I don’t belong anywhere else? Then there’s a whole other series of “what-ifs.” I want to say I’m being too hard on myself, that this is truly where my heart lies and I have figured
2/3 myself out.But I also want to say I’m deluded and crazy, that this is just a fun game my brain put together for me, and I need to move on never knowing why I feel so different from the rest of my peers.I don’t feel comfortable with either of the two above outcomes. If I really am otherkin, then this longing is real, but I don’t want to deal with that. If I’m not, then the value and meaning of my kin experiences never mattered in the first place, and there would be a huge empty gap in me
3/3 wondering what’s the real reason I feel I do not belong with the rest of the world. It’s terrible, heart-wrenching internal conflict for me. I don’t know which side is right and it’s driving me crazy.
Anon, I think you’ve done a great job writing out what almost every kin feels at some time or another. Being kin is a strange internal experience that no one but ourselves can really validate at the end of the day. Sometimes its hard to believe, but what matters is how being kin affects us. If being kin has an impact on you, then its real.
